Real Life SD: Divorce by Susan Reagan

Contemplating and executing a divorce can be one of the most heart wrenching and difficult things anyone has to live through. Divorce changes lives and can destroy some people while giving a rebirth to others. According to the Holmes and Rahe stress scale divorce is the number two stressor an adult can experience with a value of 75 “Life Change Units”. This life stressor is only preceded by the death of a spouse with a point value of 100 points. Recent medical research indicates that stress affects our health, wellness and our ability to fight disease. Making the decision to file for a divorce is hard for everyone, but add the factor of having a disability into the mix and it becomes exponentially more difficult.

            When any healthy person with all of their physical abilities intact start to plan their exit strategy there are so many things to think about, such as; where to live after the divorce, how to divide the marital assets, can I afford to live on my own, how will the children be affected, what will happen to the pets? Will the results be worth the pain of the experience? One of the most challenging aspects of contemplating a divorce is finding the strength to navigate through the changes that will occur. Humans avoid change and discomfort even if it to our benefit, as the known, even if it is detrimental to our wellbeing is preferred to the unknown.

 People with Spasmodic Dysphonia are not exempt to life’s problems, pulling the SD card does not give you a free pass from dealing with real life issues such as divorce. Having SD makes life more challenging in general and will make living through a potential divorce that much harder. The normal fears of going through a divorce as stated above exist for the person with SD but there are added components and considerations to make. Such as; how will I get Botox injections once I lose my health insurance, who will be my voice when needed, who will support me if I should not be able to work due to my disability. The fears and concerns are real and gripping as we all know life with SD is difficult.

            To stay or not to stay, that is the question. It has been said that life is fleeting and we are here for but a moment. Quite to the contrary, life is too long to be lived in misery. Just because a person suffers with a physical disability does not mean they have to stay in an unhappy marriage. The benefits of having security and surety as opposed to facing the great unknown is a decision that each person will have to make. Each person will have to ask themselves, is the daily dread that one faces when married to the wrong person worth the supposed security. Just because a person has a physical limitation does not mean they have to tolerate a less than optimal situation. Having a disorder like SD will definitely alter your perception of self, it changes the way you relate to others and it can change the choices you make in life. Don’t let SD take away your dignity by making the choice to stay in a bad relationship for fear of having to deal with SD alone